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4 things no one tells you about divorce


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It is no secret that around 50 per cent of marriages end in divorce. Even though it is quite commonplace it is not something that is talked about openly. When going through the divorce process it is hard to anticipate how it is going to go and how you’re going to feel.

Here are a few things that aren’t often talked about when it comes to separation and divorce.

Your financial situation will change completely

Divorce is costly in many ways. Suddenly your income may change drastically, and you must ensure you can pay your legal bills during the divorce and have enough money to support yourself and possibly your children once the divorce is finalized. There may also be child support and alimony to be considered as well. Whether you are the payer or the payee this needs to be worked into your finances. Your tax bracket may also change because you are now surviving on a single income. Talking to a professional like a Certified Divorce Financial Analyst (CDFA) can help you prepare a plan that will ensure you have all your bases covered during and after the divorce.

Your friends may stop calling

It is likely that as a couple you built up a network of friends that you share. Friends that are considered mutual may not know how to react when they get the news of your divorce. They may choose to side with your ex because they knew them first or feel they have a closer connection with them. Other married couples may cut ties with you completely because the idea of divorce scares them and they don’t know what to say. There is not getting around it, divorce can be a lonely time. Instead of wallowing in self pity join a group for single parents or find a hobby you enjoy. Hiring a coach to get you through this difficult time can make you feel less alone and boost your confidence.  It may take some time, but it is possible to built up your social network again.

Divorce can feel like a death

Regardless of how many problems you had in your marriage divorce is a loss. Life as you know it changes dramatically and that would send anyone into a tailspin. Grief, shame, anger and fear are all normal emotions to feel when mourning a loss. Unfortunately, society doesn’t always give people the time they need to mourn the loss of their relationship. Not many people will show up at your door with ready-made casseroles like they would if your partner passed away. It is important to allow yourself to have the time to grieve and take care of yourself. Talk to someone you trust whether it be a family member, friend or a hired professional. It’s OK if you don’t bounce back right away. With time you will feel better, even if it doesn’t feel like it in the moment.

You will be better off in the end

It is perfectly natural to second guess yourself when going through a divorce. After all it is an important, life changing decision which is made even more complicated if there are children involved.

Trust your gut.

You probably didn’t make the decision to divorce your spouse overnight and if you are like a lot of couples you may have tried many avenues to fix your marriage problems. Regardless of how painful and hard the divorce process is you will be better off in the end. Divorce closes a door but also opens new ones where you can discover new ways of being happy, whether it be by yourself or with another partner.

Divorce is so common yet there is a stigma around it that keeps people from talking openly about what it is really like. Talking with people and surrounding yourself with the right professionals who are well equipped to guide you through the divorce process is key to coming out the other end of your divorce as resilient and strong as possible.

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